Memory 003: (Backdated to after the Thanksgiving nuclear event)

[forgotten_titan]

(When Tara woke up after her first death, her initial reaction was to throw her quilt covers off and gasp for air. Dying from radiation poisoning is horrible, and the slow death had definitely hit her hard. Things get even more confusing for her when she notices that she's back in her bed, totally healthy and alive. She scrambles for the curtains; the sight of Mayfield, back to normal, both relieves her and scares her.)

Action: 625 Topper Street and around

(Tara's inching out the door of her house nervously. She keeps looking around, half-expecting a cannibal to pop out of nowhere. There's a box out on the doorstep that has her name on it though, so she HAS to go out. Unwrapping it where she stands, her apprehension changes to surprise, then happiness, and then sadness as she stares at the photograph of her and her father that Mayfield had just sent to her.

If you're around, you'll notice her staring glumly at the picture. Wanna ask her how she's feeling?)

Action: Mayfield High
(She seems out of it today. Instead of studiously taking notes like usual during class, she just seems to be staring out the window vacantly, her pencil idly tracing around her books. Teachers may need to grab her attention before they'll get even a reaction out of her, while fellow classmates are free to ask her what's wrong.)

Phone
Ummm...hi, this might sound like a weird question to ask but...does anyone have any practice swords or something that I can borrow?

Comments

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

(And eventually she does.)

I'm sorry...I didn't mean to *sniff* ruin your shirt.

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

Its all right, it will dry out and it looks like you needed it.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

Y-yeah...

(She has a few more sniffles, but she does feel a lot better.)

T-thanks Ruri. I'm s-s-sorry you had to listen t-to me whine...

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry, we're human and we need people. Right?

[She smiles a little]

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

But I'm...I'm useless. I can't help anyone, or, or do anything, without someone else. I'm always getting in people's way, and ruining it for everyone!

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

What do you mean help anyone? Just being someone's friend can be a great help. As for getting in the way, we all do that sometimes.

We're all only human, that's all we can expect to be.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

But I get in the way all the time. I try to help people, but all I do is make it worse, both for me and for them. Other people don't mess up, only I do.

That's not being human, that's being stupid.

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

Its being young and inexperienced. Its making your own mistakes and finding your own path. I'm kind of envious because I never really got to do that growing up. Everything was simulations and then when it wasn't, I had to go and foster open rebellion against both major governments of my solar system.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

...you started a rebellion? Why?

(Just something to distract herself from how down she's feeling.)

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

There was a war over a piece of alien technology. Both sides wouldn't give up wanting it, and millions were dying. So, the Nadesico stole it and sent it to a place no one could find it, so there was nothing to war over anymore.

We weren't associated with either military at that point as we stole the Nadesico when the orders we got were exceptionally stupid, and after both sides calmed down things got a lot better.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

...at least your plan worked. Mine never do.

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

It wasn't my plan. It was Yurika's. I learned a lot about planning from her.

Maybe, you just need to find people to help you figure out how you do what you want to.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

...

Or maybe I'm just such a major screw-up. I just...I don't know, I just feel like I can't help anyone. And even if I do, I just know that something bad will happen.

(She grips her hands together, her voice tight.)

I just have this bad feeling...

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

[She seems unmoved by this and remains deadpan]

Tara. What do you want to do in life? Not what can you do. But when you dream, what do you dream of doing?

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

(She remains silent for a long time, before she replies quietly:)

I want to be a travel journalist. I like going to new places, and I like writing. It seems the right thing for me to do, and how hard is it to mess that up?

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

Well, then I'd start by finding someone good at writing to maybe give you some ideas.

If I may ask, if you weren't worried about messing things up, what would you want to do?

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

I...I don't know. I always think I'm going to do something wrong; that way, if something bad happens, I won't feel too let down.

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

I kind of understand that. Its like my view on feelings. If I don't show them, they won't ever get hurt.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

But if you don't show them, doesn't it still hurt inside? Like, there's this tight feeling that winds you up, and it won't go away?

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

That's why 95% of the people, the other 19, in the program I was in broke and went mad. Its not an interesting story really.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

...so the moral of the story is "don't bottle up your feelings"?

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

Not unless you were genetically altered not to have them. In that case, you still probably shouldn't, the odds aren't good.

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

Ok...

I guess, this is me, talking about my feelings then...I kinda feel better. I think.

[hontobakabaka.livejournal.com]

And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to find me.

[She nods and smiles slightly]

[forgotten-titan.livejournal.com]

(There's a twitch near the corner of her mouth, as a small smile appears.)

Thanks Ruri. I'm...I'm still not totally alright. But I think I will be.